Recorded by faithful secretary Matthew Warner.
The ground shook, angels wept, and the FBI issued a new series of nonspecific warnings in the wake of the latest meeting of the Baltimore-Washington chapter of the Horror Writers Association on June 2, 2002. Convening in Cockeysville, MD at stately Keene Manor, we initiated a number of new members with appropriate sacrifices to the gods of beer and cigarettes:
We also welcomed guest Kelly Laymon, the incoming Jobs In Hell editor and creator of the reknown Laymon Chip Cookies (currently being scrutinized by the FDA because their addictive qualities).
After crushing his opponents into mindless gobs of bloody mash, Ralph Bieber (aka Cigar Wielder) claimed the office of Treasurer. Upon assuming his siege, Ralph reportedly cleaned his sword and said, “The best thing in life is . . . to destroy your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women.”
Ralph’s first responsibilities will include setting up our chapter bank account to hold our spoils of war, some of which will underwrite our chapter anthology, to be published next year as a limited-edition trade paperback. To be edited by President Keene himself, we’ll start boiling body parts (and other ingredients TBD) for our anthology contributions this October.
One source of funding will include $10 entry fees for our writing contest, evil machinations for which shall commence immediately. This will be an open contest (i.e., you don’t have to be an HWA member to submit), but our own chapter members cannot submit. The prizes will be:
All submittors will receive the eternal blessings of the Great Cthulhu.
Judges will be Sheri White, Joel Jacobs, Roger Range, Scott Bull, Jacob Haddon and Thom Lyons. Thom, the managing judge, will get to hold a scepter and dance around in a red robe.
Another source of funding will be a raffle of rare and valuable horror esoterica, managed by Joel Jacobs, at the upcoming Horrorfind Weekend (Aug. 23-25). The membership tabled a motion that the raffle be linked to our annual Shirley Jackson “Mystery Meat” banquet.
Also at Horrorfind, faithful Joe Maynard will raise our dealer’s table on hydraulic lifts into the nearest thundercloud, thus bringing a barcode book-inventory system into blasphemous life. And President Keene reported the sad news that due to logistical and insurance reasons, our charity softball showdown with the NY chapter has been cancelled. (There was some kind of problem with our proposed “full contact” rules and penalties.)
Other convention-related evil plans include:
The meeting business concluded with 444 shades of debauchery and live readings of our flash fiction with suitable retinal afterimaging.
Future meeting plans are as follows. So shall it be written, so shall it be done:
Other extremely important items:
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