November 18, 2001 Meeting Minutes

Here, yet another HWA event ends thanks to police intervention as we are lined up to be photographed and then shot. Joel Jacobs, Scott Bull, Barbara Ferrenz, Karen Taylor, Brian Keene, Will Ludwigsen, Sheri White, T.E. Lyons, Matthew Warner, and Paul Melniczek brace for the hail of bullets tearing through their flesh.

Recorded by faithful secretary Matthew Warner

The Baltimore-Washington chapter of HWA rose from the dead on 11/18/01, crossing back into this mortal world at the home of our spiritual leader, Brian Keene, in Cockeysville, MD. Upon invocations to the deities of beer and cigarettes, the following demons manifested themselves for four hours before returning to the underrealms from whence they came:

• Scott Emerson Bull, his beard the color of Hell’s fire, who’s making a name for himself in the small press.
• Barbara Ferrenz, HWA’s “longest living affiliate” and the resident of a genuine haunted house, who has appeared in several anthologies.
• Joel Jacobs, a retired teacher who despite his satanic appearance is a really nice guy. He’s submitting to horror and literary mags all over the place.
• Brian Keene, the aforementioned Summoner, who placated the demons’ hunger with peanuts and potato chips. He’s author of a new short story collection and editor of Jobs In Hell.
• Will Ludwigsen, a.k.a. the Manic Giggler, who made the trip from Alexandria, VA to Brian’s house in just one hour, probably with a warp engine or transdimensional stargate. He has made some pro sales, including a story to Weird Tales.
• Tom Lyons, a.k.a. Black Beard, a sought-after writer of erotica.
• Paul Melniczek, who has been writing for just one year but has had an astounding 70 stories published. (Agenda item next meeting: to whom did he sell his soul?)
• Karen Taylor, who has had five vampire novels published. When offered a beer, she reportedly said, “I do not drink . . . beer.”
• Matthew Warner, a.k.a. Already-Pissed-Off-the-HWA-Message-Board Newbie, who is finally breaking into anthology markets.
• Sheri White, who despite her innocent appearance has a secret identity incorporating black leather and four-inch stiletto heels. She recently made her first professional sale.

During an election involving much bloodletting, hanging chads, blackmail, whitemail and voodoo pin dolls, the following officers were named:

• Brian Keene: President
• Karen Taylor: Vice President
• Matthew Warner: Secretary
• Will Ludwigsen: Webmaster

We decided that, local laws and ordinances permitting, we’ll meet every two months on a Sunday at 1 p.m. We’ll continue to descend upon Keene’s house until the radioactivity levels become too high or until someone has a better idea; such location ideas including: the Writer’s Center of Bethesda, bookstores in Fells Point or Annapolis, taking turns at members’ houses, and local bars. Our motto: “Beer is a consideration.”

We also said that our meetings should be open to anyone interested in horror, including fans when appropriate (because we feed upon them) and especially prospective HWA members.

We’ll circulate e-mails ahead of time to put items on the agenda. Activities will include guest speakers, live readings, the sponsorship of a writing contest, plus the exchange of self-promotional tips, market information and all forms of fermented beverages. As a step in this direction, our President gave us a list of markets so hot they spontaneously combusted in our hands; (fortunately he had extras).

At our next meeting, we’ll hear a live reading from Karen Taylor and a report from the Webmaster about our new hellpage.

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